Coaching is about creating positive shifts and facilitating change from your current state to a more desired state, whether this involves emotional, mental, behavioural or role changes.
Whether you would like to grow from being a follower into a leader or entrepreneur, from being isolated to forming close or intimate relationships, from fearing failure to embracing challenge, from doubting yourself to developing confidence, from feeling miserable to experiencing joy or peace, from having lost your mojo to being motivated, the coaching process facilitates these crucial movements.
We are constantly challenged by new uncertainties. You can be as sure of having to adapt as you are of being subject to the law of gravity, or of seeing the sun rise in the morning.
Change never stops, whether it is forced upon you by external factors or whether you make the choice to transform your life yourself. Resisting, insisting that things need to stay the same from day to day will only lead to disappointment and despair. Those with the most flexibility adapt to external demands without experiencing the hardships felt by those who resist the process. And the more flexible you are, the greater the chance that you yourself will be driven to introduce changes, big or small, in your own life.
Thus, no-one asks for change without reason. My clients all indicate that they want to change to be better, to feel better, to do better, to relate better to others or to be more successful.
Personal Choice or External Demands
We all know that not all changes are driven by personal choice. External factors can force us to face things that are unwelcome and threatening (for example, divorce or redundancy).
Where it is forced upon you, you may experience the change as a serious threat.
Some people would rather remain a victim than to run the risk of failing or facing their fears. However, not only do they then hit their heads against the same walls, with the same dismal results, but their misery also intensifies. Even such a person can reach a point where resistance makes way for accepting change, simply because their frustration or unhappiness outweighs the threat of changing. Acceptance won’t necessary eliminate the feeling of being a victim. It is only by integrating the change that you fully adapt, where after you can start recognising opportunities and taking actions to mold yourself or circumstances to your benefit.
It is far easier to embrace transformation if you do it by choice and drive the process yourself. Even by choice, transforming yourself, your circumstances or your world can be a challenging process.
The aim of coaching is also to guide you through this process, with the least pain for the most gain.
Whether you need to adapt to new circumstances or whether you yourself made the decision to introduce the change, adopting these principles can make the process less painful:
Easing the process:
First, you need to have the will to integrate the shift within your own psyche. Resisting is natural, even when you initiated the process. There comes a point in time when you have to adapt or stagnate. The more stuck you become, the more difficult it is to escape from emotional or situational difficulties. Thus, step one is to accept and to adapt. And if you are intending making changes yourself, the less you procrastinate, the easier it would be to move forward.
Secondly, set realistic expectations. Disappointment frequently follows when you expect instant and spectacular results. This can result in blame, shame, anger or anxiety. Such disappointment would affect your mental state, making you less resilient to deal with further challenges or to regain your footing. It could also affect other aspects of your life, such as finances, relationships, career prospects, etc.
The third principle relates to the willingness to honestly evaluate yourself and to develop the specific characteristics that you need to successfully go through the transformation process. It will also contribute to setting realistic expectations. You need to be prepared to engage in self-exploration – evaluating your personality, your skills, your habits, your thoughts, your beliefs and your more pervasive emotional states.
Change will call upon you to be patient, to have determination, to consistently work towards your desired outcome, to face obstacles, to solve problems and to be flexible. Should you lack these qualities you need to take steps to acquire them, which would also need to be part of your process and your plan.
Coaching could help you to master these aspects without getting stuck, overwhelmed or falling into the emotional trap of self-doubt, anxiety or shame.
For the most gain, here are some more tips:
- You need to be clear about the changes you are making. Most people have a vague idea of that which they are dissatisfied with or that which they want to improve, but do not invest effort in clearly specifying their requirements or needs.
- You have to define what this will mean for you and you need to spell it out. Clarity is king.
- You need to realise that change involves a process of learning, experimenting and growing and that it is not an event.
- You need to accept that you are embarking on a process that will require you to systematically and in a step-wise manner execute specific actions if you are to reach your end goal.
- When you know what you want to change and what you want in the place of what you currently have, you need a plan that lends itself to step-wise execution. You need to be willing to be committed to the process. Be prepared to encounter obstacles, so that you are prepared to persevere when the going gets tough.
- It would be easier to overcome the challenges of change or transformation should you not only focus on external factors, but also give enough attention to your personal beliefs, emotions, attitude and thoughts.
- Also, allowing yourself time to relax and re-energise will ensure that you can manage the pace – even when things get very hard.
- During the coaching process, we ensure that we place enough focus on each of these aspects, allowing you to find direction, experience consistent and sustainable results and maintain momentum. Not only that, but also to learn more about yourself, to find peace and to create a future that is even more satisfying than what it was before.
Whether you desire to make changes for the better - personally or otherwise - or are facing an unwelcome changes, you can take the first step by booking a coaching discussion, either via Skype, telephone or in person at the Yemanya Office. CLICK HERE to arrange a convenient time.