Change and Transformation

  • Coaching Services

    You have the potential to be perfectly aligned - mentally, emotionally and physically. Physical health is the cornerstone for a good life. Lifestyle, environment and genetics are not the only things that influence your bodily well-being. Your thoughts and emotions have an equal (if not greater) impact.

    My coaching approach is thus not only about creating positive shifts and facilitating change in thinking and emotional experience, but also to ensure that underlying physical issues don't get in the way of what you desire to achieve.

    I am not referring to physical ailments where medical treatment is indicated, but rather to those things that are less observable, that may prevent you from having the necessary energy to pursue that which is would support your growth. This is discussed in more detail on the pages dealing with Life Skills and Energy Treatment.

    Change is an example of one of the things that may not only affect you on an emotional level, giving rise to fear and anxiety, but could also affect how you think about yourself and your ability to cope, and even more critically, give rise to bodily problems, most commonly seen in, for example, digestive ailments.

    If your situation indicates such problems, without clearing such physical reactions, that which you can achieve mentally and emotionally may be undermined. And clearing the effects of stress hormones and the build-up of toxins, which may even be expressed through ailments such as headaches, inflammation and food allergies allow you to focus your energy on the areas where deeper and longer lasting results can be realized.

    This is what I mean by following a "whole person" approach in coaching.

    Achieving Wholeness

    When necessary, clearing the reactions which have led to problems on a physical level can be seen as a basic step in overall healing and growth. Don’t be fooled into thinking that this is not powerful – it can bring huge relief within a relatively short period of time – with symptoms disappearing quickly and your energy being restored to a level that allows you to deal with the emotional and mental demands you set for yourself.

    Releasing emotional distress and limiting beliefs would be equally important, i.e. learning to master your thoughts so that you can deal with setbacks, difficulties or achieve the growth you desire.

    And lastly, but again, equally important, is to empower yourself with the tools and positive habits to maintain a clear mind and a state of calm even when you encounter challenges, so that you are able to direct your thinking purposefully, solve problems as they arise, challenge yourself to reach your goals in all the areas of your life and even, to give your inner voice the scope to guide your decisions.

    The Reality of Change

    We are constantly challenged by new uncertainties. You can be as sure of having to adapt as you are of being subject to the law of gravity, or of seeing the sun rise in the morning.

    Change never stops, whether it is forced upon you by external factors or whether you make the choice to transform your life yourself. Resisting, insisting that things need to stay the same from day to day will only lead to disappointment and despair. Those with the most flexibility adapt to external demands without experiencing the hardships felt by those who resist the process. And the more flexible you are, the greater the chance that you yourself will be driven to introduce changes, big or small, in your own life.

    And should you want to transform yourself, it is important to achieve total clarity on the matter. Unless you have a crystal clear view of what your ultimate objective is, you could end up chasing the wind.

    Initially most of my clients indicate that they want to transform themselves to be better, to feel better, to do better or to relate better to others. Once we unpack that desire and define exactly what the real goal is, then progress begins.

    Personal Choice or External Demands

    We all know that not all changes are driven by personal choice. External factors can force us to face things that are unwelcome and threatening (for example, divorce or redundancy).

    Where it is forced upon you, you may experience the change as a serious threat - on all levels, i.e. physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually.

    Simply resigning yourself to external demands won't necessarily reduce the effect of those threats. The internal resistance and pain you feel, despite hiding it away, could erode your peace of mind and in turn, create the physical tension that literally eats away at your insides.

    Unless you are willing to face your fears and to risk failure (and thus learning) you could remain a victim of your circumstances.

    It is only by fully integrating the change that you truly adapt.

    And if it is impossible for you to accept the change, being soul destroying in your view, then victimhood can only be avoided by considering what your alternatives are and making new plans.

    Obviously it is far easier to embrace transformation if you do it by choice and drive the process yourself. Even by choice, transforming yourself, your circumstances or your world can be a challenging process.

    The aim of developmental coaching is to guide you through this process, with the least pain for the most gain.

    Whether you need to adapt to new circumstances or whether you yourself made the decision to introduce the change, adopting these principles can make the process less painful:

    Easing the process:

    First, you need to have the will to integrate the shift within your own psyche. Resisting is natural, even when you initiated the process. There comes a point in time when you have to adapt or stagnate. The more stuck you become, the more difficult it is to escape from emotional or situational difficulties. Thus, step one is to accept and to make a new plan. And if you are intending making changes yourself, the less you procrastinate, the easier it would be to move forward.

    Secondly, set realistic expectations. Disappointment frequently follows when you expect instant and spectacular results. This can result in blame, shame, anger or anxiety. Such disappointment would affect your mental state, making you less resilient. It could also affect other aspects of your life, such as finances, relationships, career prospects, etc.

    The third principle relates to the willingness to honestly evaluate yourself and to develop the specific skills and get the tools you need to successfully go through the transformation process. This will also contribute to setting realistic expectations. You need to be prepared to engage in self-exploration – evaluating your personality, your capabilities, your behaviour, your thoughts, your beliefs and your habitual emotional responses.

    Change will call upon you to be patient, to have determination, to consistently work towards your desired outcome, to face obstacles, to solve problems and to be flexible. Should you lack these qualities you need to take steps to acquire them, which would also need to be part of your process and your plan.

    My goal is to help you to master these aspects without getting stuck, overwhelmed or falling into the emotional trap of self-doubt, anxiety or shame.

    For the most gain, here are some more tips:

    • You need to be clear about the changes you are making. Most people only have a vague idea of that which they are dissatisfied with or that which they want to improve, but do not invest effort in clearly specifying their requirements or needs.
    • You have to define what this will mean for you and you need to spell it out. Clarity is king.
    • You need to realise that change involves a process of learning, experimenting and growing and that it is not an event.
    • You need to accept that you are embarking on a process that will require you to systematically and in a step-wise manner execute specific actions if you are to reach your end goal.
    • When you know what you want to change and what you want in the place of what you currently have, you need a plan that lends itself to step-wise execution. Commitment is key. Be prepared to encounter obstacles, so that you are prepared to persevere when the going gets tough.
    • It would be easier to overcome the challenges of change or transformation should you not only focus on external factors, but also give enough attention to your personal beliefs, emotions, attitude and thoughts.
    • Also, allowing yourself time to relax and re-energise will ensure that you can manage the pace by maintaining your physical health – even when things get very hard.

    During the coaching process, we ensure that we focus adequately on all these things, allowing you to find direction, experience consistent and sustainable results and maintain momentum. Not only that, but also to learn more about yourself, to find peace and to create a future that is even more satisfying than what it was before.

    Whether you desire to make changes for the better - personally or otherwise - or are facing an unwelcome changes, you can take the first step by booking a coaching discussion with Ricka at the Yemanya Office. CLICK HERE to arrange a convenient time.

  • From Thought to Destiny

    How do you define destiny? Do you see it as a predetermined map of what you can expect in your life? What if it is actually created by your own thought system? Then, you would no longer be a victim of fate, but rather, your life becomes the narrative you shape yourself! If your story is under your own control, why would you want to turn it into pulp?

    To change your future, transform your thinking! Especially those that speak of fear, failure and lack, keeping you imprisoned in the same recurring pattern.

    Changing your thoughts is easier said than done, but not impossible.

    The rewards you reap from committing to the development of a new way of thinking, about yourself, others and your world will extend to how you feel, your available energy, better health, confidence, self-regard, self-love, empathy for and relationships with others, to name but a few.

    An Honest Talk with Yourself

    Can you face an honest dialogue with yourself - one about yourself in terms of your true talents, your strengths, your habits, the ones you have and the ones you would rather develop, what you can control, what responsibilities you are ready to accept, etc.?

    Can you have that dialogue without focusing on what is wrong with the world, your life, other people, their judgements of you, how unfairly life and people have treated you, your own unmet needs, your fear of failure (or success) and so forth?

    Can you talk to yourself about love, self-love and self-acceptance? Are you ready to talk about what joy and happiness would mean to you?

    Or are you caught up in a stream of thoughts about fear, disappointment, anger, sadness, blame or shame, to the extent that considering concepts such as love and happiness appear impossible?

    I am not advocating that you ignore what you see as your shortcomings, your disappointments and your fears. Or that you ignore the anger and blame that you are directing at yourself or others.

    However, if those are the only thoughts that occupy your mind, without thinking about how you can think differently, helping you to increase your level of courage to tackle those fears and obstacles, you will remain locked into an ever growing spiral of worry, anger or avoidance.

    Changing thoughts requires effort: You have to be vigilant about watching out for the self-sabotaging ideas and the self-blame.

    And the mental onslaughts that you launch through your thoughts at the world and others.

    Changing your life story starts with the real thoughts, perhaps deeply hidden, about yourself.

    Only once you are able to master your thoughts about yourself, will you be able to look at others differently and see them as deserving of love and happiness, in the same way you are.

    What You Think is What you Put out into the World

    You may think that what you truly think about yourself is private – do not be fooled. This is a false assumption.

    Thoughts are energy and energy extends outwards.

    If the thoughts you hold about yourself differ from the image that you are trying to project, others will experience inner discord. They may not understand why they feel that what they “see is not what they get”. Since they may not have taken proper charge of their own minds, they may simply dismiss it as their imagination.

    You may also think that what you think of others is private – the same applies. Others may not know the exact content of your thoughts, but they will pick up on the energy that you radiate. They may not be able to put into words what they pick up and they may not even be able to understand the reason why certain impressions are popping into their minds, but discomfort will most probably ensue. Discomfort that can be turned back on you through avoidance or arguments.

    You can change the dialogue that you have with yourself about yourself, others and situations consciously.

    Conscious Effort

    This is not easily achieved. In fact, it is probably the most difficult exercise to undertake since it requires you to focus your mind consciously on that which no longer serves you, what you want to change and how you want to change it, in order to change how you feel, what you do as well as the results of those actions.

    It would require you to remain constantly attentive to your thoughts and question the validity of what you are thinking. Whether you want to change your thought patterns or are working towards a more tangible goal, the principle remains the same.

    For instance, should you make a decision to that you are going to exercise until you are fit enough to run a marathon, you know that you would need to do so regularly. You would have to run daily, persist when tired, cope with physical discomfort, sacrifice time, invest energy and effort and perhaps even give up other things.

    Failure to accomplish healthier ways of thinking is no different than failing to achieve other goals. Should you interrupt your exercise regime for a period of time, or lose interest, or lack the motivation to follow through you are bound to either give up before the marathon starts or fail to complete it, should you actually turn up.

    What if that which prevented success was the belief that you can never complete anything successfully?

    So, you can see how such a thought results in the life story you are writing, both in terms of the results of your actions as well as the mental distress it causes you.

    Are you ready to commit pen to paper and start recording those thoughts that are not reflective of who you want to be, but that you have allowed to define you and your life?

    And are you ready to consider what you will “lose” by letting go of those thoughts?

    By doing so, it will give you the opportunity to search your mind for thoughts that represents the mental life that you want to create and substituting your limiting thoughts with those. You can even record them as your own personal affirmations to serve as easy reminders of the new mental narrative you are creating.

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